I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
