My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
