Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
