Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
