Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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