I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
