I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
