I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm always down for nudity.
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