i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
