Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
