Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
