video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
