it's not cheating when I paid for it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
