billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
