I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
