I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
