my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Even my vagina gasped.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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