Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
