She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
