so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
