32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
