We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
