My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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