I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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