if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i think i scared a bird with my dick
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
