Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
