Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
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If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
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but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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