I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
