dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dignity is for republicans.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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