I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
