found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
