walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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