i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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