he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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