Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
