Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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