who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
