i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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