Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am one with the molecules
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
