Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
