I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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