I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
that's an acceptable place to lick
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
