I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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