just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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