Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
