i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
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I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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