you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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