Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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