they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
