The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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