Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
