I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
