Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
