I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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