I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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