i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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