Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
