so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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