he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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