His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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