and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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