i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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