She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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