Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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