You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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