this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
