I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
